the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
