I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's just like the Real World with babies
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
