i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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