I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
