her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
