I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
