i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
