I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
