Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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