Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
