I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why do cheetos always look like penises
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
