when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i don't like sucking hair
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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