It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
