Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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