I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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