Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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