i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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