Someone shit on the floor
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
