You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
