Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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