I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
