Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
