I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
