I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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