My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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