Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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