We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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