think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
