I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
