I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
