I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
