Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
