While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize