you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My feet surprised me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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