I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
