After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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