Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
