The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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