Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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