idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
