I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
