I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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