Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
