He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
