i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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