We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
