before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize