i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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