i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
