Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
