Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
