wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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