Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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