So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
