I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
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