WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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