Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
