He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My bed smells like the plague
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
