he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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