I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
