Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
