but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
