even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
