She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize