If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
