you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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