pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
