can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
