I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
