Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
