Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
