just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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