Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize