so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
