I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
